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User talk:EmeraldtK
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The one who Drifts page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! Jay ten (talk) 01:08, April 14, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:11, April 14, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story Your story was deleted as it was not up to quality standards. Starting with the noticeable issues, your story was two large paragraphs that should have been broken up more. Dialogue should also be spaced out. I would also avoid using ellipses outside of dialogue as 'dramatic pauses' as that is not their original use (to indicate pauses in dialogue and omission of words from a quote.) You also don't need to censor swear words (it comes off as a bit odd when sentences later you describe the protagonist brutally murdering her.) Capitalization issues: "Girlfriend" should not be capitalized, "I immediately drove off and parked at a near(by) Motel (motel).", "I became..A (... a) psychopath." (sentences are only capitalized after ellipses if they are a new sentence. Spacing issues: the date should be spaced apart from the paragraphs. Punctuation issues: commas missing before dialogue. "saying(,) "YOU MOTHERF-ING PRICK! WHY WON(apostrophe missing)T YOU PAY ATTENTION TO ME!(?)", "saying(,) "Go ahead, do it already.", "saying(,) "Oh,baby...(space missing)do you think I was to be taken as a fool?", " said(,) "Aren't you going to let me in...?" Plural words do not need apostrophes (unless indicating possession) "creepypasta's" Wording issues: "WHICH was custom made which costed (cost) Seven-hundred (seven) dollars.", "She broke my moniter (monitor)...", "The next few hours were me in grief (phrasing) on the opposite corner of the (from my) now deceased Ex. (ex)", "When I looked at her, she made sexual noises and smiled at me..if (as if) she wanted to do me." (Additionally needs re-phrasing), "...but there was (were) police and SWAT teams there..." (As it is plural) Story issues: The story is also incomplete which results in a story's immediate deletion regardless of quality although even if completed, due to the numerous issues above, it likely would have been deleted or marked for review. "Obviously my house smelled like rotten flesh..." Why? The protagonist's girlfriend was killed moments earlier, how is she rotting already?) The story also feels rushed and you gloss over a major plot point (the girlfriend inhabiting the protagonist's brain.) The fight scene also reads like a step by step without any details to break it up. "Then I stripped her and started to repeatedly punch her in the stomach, making her throw up blood a little. She tried retaliating, but I just kept punching, no matter what happened to her, I kept going. After 6 minutes of my attacks, she lost consciousness and closed her eyes. I then took my pocket knife and slit her throat, ending her poor life."